I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
