no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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