At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
