i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
