the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
