i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
