btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
