She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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