Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
