Where is the hickey?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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