Don't EVER smell your tampon
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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