You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
