good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
