If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
