Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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