I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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