you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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