Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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