So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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