you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
