While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
