did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
