in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
