how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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