You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Acid is not a monday night drug
The best revenge is premature balding
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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