My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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