I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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