Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
