Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's just like the Real World with babies
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
