i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
