I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
