i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
