I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
