I skipped work to stalk him.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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