no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
