She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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