I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
