my vag is so smooth its legendary
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I will be naked everywhere
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Ladies don't puke and tell
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My feet surprised me
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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