she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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