I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
even my farts smell like vagina
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
