Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
