I could have mohawked her pubes.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
