your parents love me but you hate me
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
