That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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