I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
