I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
