she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
