I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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