apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
