My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
