I hope mine doesn't look like that
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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