Christians are straight up FREAKS
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
